When and How to have the Stranger Danger Talk

With the recent spate of horror stories concerning child abductions, child safety has become ever more prominent in our society and we are reminded of how cruel and sick the world we live in can be, that I have come to ask myself when is the right time to have the talk about stranger danger and how should I go about it with my own children, aged 4 ½ and 2 ½.

This is not a conversation I remember having with my parents as a young child; I just remember being told that ‘the man’ would run away with me if I wasn’t good or if I ran off, which I did often with no fear of the nameless faceless ‘man’

Nowadays I think we need to be much more open with our children and as soon as we can no longer keep them at our bosom and they start to crave their independence and want to explore the world, then it is time.We as parents have to let them go, even if it is just a little, just enough to let them toddle around the park as we sit back and watch anxiously, that is when we have to have the first of many ‘talks’, age appropriate of course but all the same, as their teachers and protectors we must give them the armory of confidence and self-respect they will need to protect themselves throughout life, from that tiny tottering 2 year old to that young man leaving for college.

1.       It’s okay to say No

We are taught as children to respect our elders, but a child must also be taught that they can say no if something doesn’t feel right.

You must set the guidelines for your child to live by, ground rules so that if a stranger or even that nice lady from the park wants them to go with them and recites ‘mommy said it was okay’ then your child should know that you would never want them to go anywhere with anybody, stranger or friend without her say so first, face to face.  It is very important that your child knows what to do in these types of circumstances so there would be no confusion and that they know they have the power and the right to say no and to seek help.

2.       What does a ‘Bad Man’ look like?

This is a hard one; every baddie in every kids movie is in one way or another ‘different ‘ or ‘strange’ looking, the sad fact of life is that evil comes in many  shapes and sizes. We must not let our kids have the misconception that bad people look bad, or that its only bad men that are out there.  Children need to learn to trust their gut instincts and to understand that sinking feeling and churning in their tummy’s can mean something and to listen to it, the smiling stranger who wants help to find a lost puppy may not be all they seem.

3.       Good Secrets v’s Bad Secrets

Secrets can be a lovely thing, like a surprise gift or event planned for a loved one that we don’t want to spoil, everything else is a bad secret.  Your home should be a place where there are no secrets, your child should know that you and they have an open secret policy and that no one should ever want them to keep a secret from you and that alarm bells should start ringing for them if someone does. Once your child is potty trained they should know their own body and how precious and special it is and that it belongs only to them and that there should never be any tolerance of secrets and touches by anyone else and that they can always come to you no matter what.

This conversation need not be intimidating, just lying down a few ground rules of what Mommy and Daddy would want and do in different scenarios should only empower your child to do the right thing and give them the self-belief and worth they deserve to grow up confidently and safely, as try as we might we can’t always be there to watch over them.